Like and Share

The promo read one week in bed all meals and childcare provided.

Imagine one week just lying around reading, writing or veg’ing out on Netflix.

All I need to do to claim my prize is press like and share.

Wow- my finger hit the button faster than a speed dialled pizza!

Sadly, the ad wasn’t a joke, but a mean virus with a nasty disposition.

I thought a week in bed was a euphemism for a week off work. But no, it literally meant a week in bed complete with the classic symptoms of achy bones, achy muscles, achy joints and achy every other part in-between. Plus for good measure, (in case I may have liked to open my eyes) they’d added an extra high dose of temperatures designed to spike at 39.9 degrees and upwards creating a strobe effect on the inside of my eyelids. This natural occurring criminal torture was calibrated to beat twice as fast and slightly out of sync with the garrison of army boots already residing on my reasoning. If sleep were to be found anywhere in this bedlam it had been crushed beneath the feet of Rambo and ELO.

Did I mention the customary gift of the cough that keeps giving even when you think it has nothing more to give? At times I thought someone was ripping a band-aid off the inside of my lungs and at other times they just slashed at it with a razor blade!

The ad was remiss to tell me that to receive the supply of food and childcare I must activate the call list myself. So the first few days were spent continuously consumed coughing on the couch while Miss six ran rampant on the iPad. By day three she'd ditched the device and I had a vague awareness of the freezer opening and closing and opening and closing. Needless to say I activated the call list and lay crying (and coughing) while good folk deposited the likes of chicken broth, chilli beans and lemon tea into my kitchen and removed Miss 6 so Master 16 (yes I did share) and I could carry out our final days of penance without fear of either the house burning down or being flooded out by bath water.

My partner had been whisked away to the Mainland to monitor the maintenance on a rebellious Dynamic resistor but upon hearing of my latest objectionable prize, (yes this is not the first time I have fallen for scams on the internet) he hastened his return to tend to us.

Today he coaxed me from my bed and took me for a short walk to the park; we were gone longer than anticipated as I collapsed after dragging myself to the top of the toddler slide. It took twenty minutes for my blood pressure to catch up before I crawled back home to bed!

Ok, so it’s been a heck of a week, but I’ve learnt some valuable lessons 1. Don’t like and

without first considering the full consequences of your actions. 2. Friends and neighbours are valuable assets that are genuinely happy to help. And 3. – never let me go shopping when I am unwell – even if you can’t see my pyjamas on under my hoodie you can tell by what I put in my trolley that I am not the usual me! Coke, (I never do coke) lemonade, (I never do lemonade) Apple juice, pineapple juice, mango juice, grape juice, orange juice (I never do juice) and, wait for it, two litres of Chocolate milk! (I never do chocolate milk!) I have to admit Master 16 was happy with my purchases.